Something in me died, and I think I just found its remnants

Yes its true. However its nothing tangible (luckily..). To get straight to the point, I think the victim will be my spirit; the fighting spirit and yearn for achievements.

I cannot pinpoint the time of death but it probably suffered a slow demise in army. The signs were pretty benign until recently when I feel that Im pretty much like an empty vessel. There's hardly any urge for me to improve myself or aim for higher peaks. The Golden Age was long over and decadence swarms me like a sweeping plague.

The only efforts of self-improvement can probably be work and my taking of online Japanese lessons. Thats like "Ya, so?" Im hardly proficient in my Jap and work is like, there isnt a pinnacle for me to aim. Im jus a temp who is gonna leave in 3 mths. Driving is probably the only consolation I have since I see visible results now, and he is starting to praise my reverse parking. However, aesthetically speaking, Im pretty much bored. Im already pretty bored to begin with so things are kind of in a sinkhole now.

What was the impetus that drove me to be such a workaholic last time? The thirst for improvement was never absent. I can still recall how Chinchilla always shoos me away when I wanna ask her qns. I can see memories of these but the true picture hardly manifests such traits. Red tape binds me at work. Sloth and decadence smothers me in my leisure. My magazines and newspapers are growing webs. And I see my brain shrinking to a pulp, loaded with obsolete knowledge, hardly crying for updates.

I need the driving force in me, again. Now, if not ever.

I wonder if uni will be able to help. Its probably just impetus playing possum